I have been wanting to respond to the thoughtful and supportive emails that have come in about Chris and Duke and I had in mind just what I wanted to post, but it has taken until now for me to figure out how to do it on the new Apple. I wanted to share some thoughts on loss from my time perspective. Loss is part of being human - we can't escape it, but loss has many faces. The immediate is hard, emotionally draining, and terribly frustrating and sad, but later I have found the face changes, includes sparkling wrinkles, and is more friendly with interesting twists. Speaking from my own experiences of loss I'd like to reflect on my reactions and the faces of loss they have presented. Losing my first dog in a car accident in front of the house was my first confrontation with loss. The immediate trauma for a 13 year old was overwhelming, but over the years some of the memories of Tippy have brought smiles to me and remind me how good those five years had been with my first pet. Many times when I walk across the tan oriental rug I think of his Christmas arrival when he peed several times on the almost new rug and the reactions of those present - rushing to get a rag, smirking, laughing, grabbing the pup and getting sprayed on - a whole panorama of human reaction that revealed a bit about each family member - insights that I would never had gained without Tippy. Similarly Dad's death was hard although anticipated for several years Feelings of release for Dad were combined with the huge gap left. Yet now what makes me think of him most often are crumbs under the table. In Petersburg in my senior year I was eating huge amounts at dinner after track practice. Everyone would finish and wait and wait for me to catch up. Mother finally changed the dinner rules and let dessert be served to others while I finished. They were then excused while I had dessert. The maid would leave when the dishes were done and before cleaning the dining room and doing mine. The result was that Dad would wait while I ate dessert and then took over her job of running the carpet sweeper under the table to clean up the crumbs. I saw him in an entirely different light, and it set a model for me I deeply appreciate. It is a very fond memory of a shift in the family routine and tradition showing flexibility on the part of both of my parents and a response to my personal needs. It is a face of loss not appreciated at the moment but one that comes with time as the always present loss reveals lessons, memories, and insights not learned or appreciated at the time or in the hours of daily living until the loss has occurred.
You all have posted photos to help with your current losses. I want to add these three. Recalling Duke on the sofa and at the shore will bring many smiles over the years ahead as will has enjoyment of jumping the sea wall. The first photo of Chris and family was taken at the races when we first met the boys. We didn't do a lot together but this was a special event that first let us see the way Ken dealt with his boys and how Elli was finding a way into that combination. It provides warm feelings when I recall that day. The other photo of Chris and family at the pool comes to mind when I think of Chris - the young teenager. I remember the day so well. That is the image I carry of him and the face of loss is overwhelming - the loss of the young. Yet as the years go by, these images will begin to reveal other faces of Chris and smiles will come. I am so glad we had the opportunity to know him a bit.Enough philosophy for now, but it is good to be able to share my feelings with family. Love to you all. Dad
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